During the chaos of Ike's aftermath, we had the difficult task of planning Johnny's funeral. Last Tuesday we enrolled the kids in school and they seem to be adjusting very well. Sophie has Johnny's Homebound teacher from a few years ago, and Joey is back with all of his friends he's had since he was in kindergarten. Finally, a little comfort and stability. I guess the chaos has kept our minds busy with mundane tasks and details, but as we slowly get into a routine it starts to sink in Johnny isn't part of our routine anymore.
It's so hard to understand, I can't even wrap my mind around it. He wasn't even a kid, he is still a little boy, practically a baby -- barely ten years old -- he just got into the double digits. Simple things like a child's birthday party nearly brought me to my knees. I watched an adorable little boy smile and say 'hi daddy!' to his dad and I was so jealous I had to look away. Our long time friends have 3 kids all about the same age as ours and to watch them play together tore me apart. What do I say when people ask me how many kids we have? Do I tell them three or two? Either way it sucks. I think the more things settle down, the harder it will be -- at least for me. Hopefully our time in CA will delay facing a routine one more week.
It's seems insane to try and think of the 'good things' about Johnny passing. As I sat next to Johnny day after day, it was hard to remember what it was like when he was well, but now when I think of him, that is all I can think of, not the 'sick Johnny' that was bed ridden for 121 days. A very good friend of ours had a dream the other night, and she told us she saw Johnny in heaven playing croquet with all of the other children in heaven laughing and having a ball. I can't wait to see him one day doing just that and we are all together again.
18 comments:
I can't even imagine the pain you must feel but know that you have so many prayers being said for you and your family! I'm so sorry! God bless!
I have been following Johnny's story for a while now and my deapest sympothy goes out to you and youre family. I have two boy's of my own, so this hit close to my heart. I lost my brother, my best friend in 89 to a motorcycle accident. After the accident I had dreams that he would come and get me and take me to heaven with him... I'm still not sure what they meant, but I choose to believe it was his way of letting me know he was O.K . My mother and father understanably had a rough time dealing with this. To be honest there's not a day that goes by that he's not thought of.. Keep Johnny alive with in you and may God ease the pain. God Bless You and keep you in his arms..
Johnny would not want you to be sad. He would want you to be happy for him. He has gone to heaven to look after you, Mike, Joey and Sophie. He is with you always and he loved his family very much. Johnny would want his family to remember him but to be at peace and find happiness again in the future.
All I can say is God Bless you. It breaks my heart to know that you and your family are in so much pain. Although we have never met I find your family so amazing and I think of you every day and my heart goes out to you. What a wonderful mom and dad you are and we all pray for the day the pain is not quite so deep.
you are so generous to share your thoughts with us. we continue to learn from you & be inspired.
a thought from one who has never been in your situation: concerning the question "how many children do you have?" How about "we have 3 children, but Johnny now lives in Heaven." Years from now the answer could still be the same but add "Johnny went to Heaven when he was 10. We still love & miss him."
I still think of you guys daily. I do wish you a restful trip to Calif. It is good to enjoy each other and to laugh. If anyone knows this fact...Life is fragile...it is you guys. Embrace it with love and joy.
Many people have never had a Johnny in their lives. You were blessed.
You are loved from afar by many who have never met you face to face. Feel that love.
*you'll always be the mom of three & nothing will ever change that, unless, of course, you add more to your family!! It does suck, I know this to be true. God whispers in silence and shouts in our pain. (garbled quote of CS Lewis) God is shouting through you, let Him, and you will find peace. Hugs & love to you & yours.
Johnny would want you to remember him when he was being Johnny, the little athletic boy wonder. Cherish those thoughts. He's that little athletic boy wonder in Heaven now. And I believe this to be true. Think of "Footprints in the Sand" when the pain seems unbearable. Let God carry and comfort you.
Love,
Connie L.
Here's the poem
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Thank you for still posting. I look at your blog everyday. I am running with TNT and Johnny is my motivation. If you don't mind I would like to put his picture on my jersey for the race. Your family is forever in my heart and prayers.
You can't even imagine how sorry I am to hear of your loss. It may sound very insane in inappropriate, but thank you for posting and sharing your experience with us. I have wallowed in self pity the past 3 months after a very unexpected miscarriage of a baby that I have longed for. I want to cry when I see pregnant women... I want to cry when I see infants... I want to cry when I see baby stuff, but looking at what you went through, my pain is nothing compared to yours..
Johnny is a handsome little boy and I hope he and my baby Lucas are keeping each other company in heaven until we join them someday.
Thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time..
I cannot imagine what a struggle it is to live without Johnny. Just know that we would love to see you guys when you return from California and hope that we can offer a place where we can remember Johnny together with no limitations.
Thinking of you,
Jennifer
Always remember that Johnny wants the best for you and the family. Know that he is watching over you and will hopefully start to make this difficult time for you easier as time goes by. He will always be your angel and will hold you tight when you need help standing tall.
I think about you guys all of the time...... as I know many others do and always will. When I remember Johnny, the thing that I remember most was his smile and how it could light up ANY ROOM and brighten ANYONE'S day!!
Many years ago a friend of mine asked a favor of me. Her daughter was dying from cancer and was clearly losing the battle everyday. She said "I cannot bear the burden of being there when she goes....I need to remember her alive always." The favor she aske me was to rock her child as they took her off life support. I was brought a large rocker and I took that 9 year old baby and rocked and sang to her for about 30 minutes. She was not my child....not my flesh and blood...not even a blood relative....yet not a day of my life goes by that I do not remember the pain I felt when she took that last breath and sliped out of our earthly lives forever. I can hear the song I sang and I will burst into tears today. I am now 60 years old and consider myself to be quite secure in my manhood. And yet 21 years ago my life and my quest for living was changed in one breath.
I have followed your blog and have prayed for you daily. I continue to do that still. I know something of what you feel. I have no idea how it feels to lose on of your children but part of my heart is there with you. As a fellow surf rider, I shall remember your son in the picture of him on the board that has been on the website for so long. That ride will last forever.
God bless,
dj
Hi Romanos,
My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. If you need a contractor to help with your house, we had a good one for my mother-in-law's house. I think you have my email and numbers but, if not, contact me at KF.
My heart hurts for your loss,
Eileen
Dear Romano Family,
I think about you guys on a daily basis and hope that things are getting somewhat easier for you.
Have a great time in So Cal and when you return know that we are all here waiting to help in anyway we can.
Hugs,
Christina
P.S. While in So Cal please eat some Roberto's rolled tacos with guacamole for me!
I meant to say this the other day and never got the chance but I still refer to myself is the youngest of 7 and my mother still says she has 7 children and we lost my brother years and years ago. Johnny will always be there holding your hand and he will always be your son even though the angels are raising him now.
Love -Melinda
Still thinking of you guys and Johnny. My heart breaks for you. I hurt just trying to imagine the pain you feel. Johnny was amazing. Know he is missed by so many and thought of everywhere. Of course, you are in my prayers and thoughts.
^^ nice blog!! ^@^
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